Thursday, June 18, 2009

Breathing Now



It took just one cut into that fabric to begin breathing again. By that I mean, I could actually hear and feel the air moving in and around and about and out. For the first time in many weeks, I wasn’t running on adrenaline. When I spoke there wasn’t the shrill edge to my voice that maybe only I can hear. I didn’t notice that tight lump of stress in my throat. I wasn’t thinking ahead to the next task. There was a mini revelation.

Sometimes friends who have fewer than three children say ‘I don’t know how you do it’. Usually my response is somewhere along the lines of ‘Well, you should see the state of my house’. Secretly, I have worked on the theory that I can adjust to more kids, more work, more friends, more everything. Sure it’s tricky at first but then I’ll make it work. To me there aren’t any real limits – only less sleep, less rest, less play, less time to listen to breathing. Usually it’s the day to day housework and washing that falls by the wayside. Lately there has been a higher price.

Although I have skirted around the edges of this revelation and seen it in a squinty, peripheral, distracted, outer body sort of way, I hadn’t felt it in the middle of my chest or pit of my stomach until last night. Working with the fabric allowed me some time and space to forget the running order of the day and somewhere in there, a whopping serve of clarity hit me between the eyeballs. It seems there’s a tipping point. Here I am, teetering right on the very precipice of a pyramid of priorities. I can just make out from way up high that the ones furthest down are some of those I hold dearest.

21 comments:

One Flew Over said...

What a beautiful post. I hope you find peace with your relevations.

Madeline said...

Oh, goodness. That does always come as a bit of a blow. And, isn't it funny what snipping fabric can reveal? I think I might be due for some fabric snipping revelations.

M* (Melanie) said...

Yes it is a beautiful post. Glad you found a perfect moment that inspired you to share!

Umatji said...

Oh, well written. I was somewhere near there just a few days ago.

http://umatji.blogspot.com/2009/06/caught-in-perpetual-whine.html

Hope the moment brings a ladder and the sun after a few steps up it. I really enjoyed your post. Go well.
Umatji

Kaylovesvintage said...

that would be cool, pillow fabric
guess I could be your friend with the one kid...take care

Sandra @ Pepperberry and Co. said...

Ah, it is you that needs sleep and crafting time, my wise one. Can you sell the children on the black market? Or perhaps hire them to work as your sewing slaves?

karin said...

Just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel :-) Goodluck with the breathing and enjoy those precious moments of peace.

Hayley Egan said...

I think I've said this before, but:
Mother of three, Melbourne market mistress, voodoo seamstress and creative blogger? You may just be my hero...

Melanie said...

Having recently joined the ranks of parents-of-three, and having had the day I've just had (without even doing any of the other stuff you do!)....

...I get it. I so get it. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

T
And you wonder why I call you my zen master...
W

Gina said...

Lovely Tania, I hope this moment of clarity helps you to rework your priorities without losing yourself. Balance is so elusive...

beck said...

You write so beautifully Tania, it really took my breath away. I hope you find some time and space for you as well as everyone else x

Clementine's Shoes said...

Oh indeed it's so important to step back from the immediate happenings of life every now and then and see what's going on with the priorities. It's so easy to get caught up in things that are very immediate, but perhaps not what we want to be focussing on. Finding time and space to realise that is the first step in tweaking some changes in the balance. Looking forward to seeing what you've created!

Anonymous said...

Ah lovely Tania. Clarity through fabric is indeed a beautiful thing ... such an eloquent post - I'm hearing you sister. Here's to larger washing piles, iroing stashed in the bottoms of cupboards - but a hell of a lot more of cake, tea and swedish masseuses named sven who happen to pick you out of a hat to win a lifetimes supply of massages xx May you continue to find a small space where you get to breathe to your own beat. Loz and dinny x

Cindy said...

I tell you this crafting carry-on is much cheaper than theropy, that is my theory when I go fabric shopping

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Crafting is a great way of recapturing some peace ! And that material is very beautiful . Have fun !

Angus in Northcote said...

here's something tempting for you, then: Northcote Town Hall is hosting a Darebin Crafters Market this Saturday. Maybe you should think about bringing one or more small people and crossing the river. We'd be happy to act as a staging area/dumping ground for small children if you'd like to take the PhDer away from her laptop and up the hill to craftiness.

p.s. my word verification was "berli" so I guess they want me to cross my heart.

kellyi said...

I have one more than you, which is why I am reading blogs at nearly midnight and surveying the mess of this afternoons crafting all over the table (still). The dishwasher is loaded, the main room is tidy and my kids went to bed giggling. The last one is the one that really matters, right?

I found scrapstore today, so all is right with the world :)

Nikki said...

You're speaking my language.... completely!! (I only have one little person in my life... can't imagine how you manage more than that!).

When I need a bit of breathing space, guess what I do... I CUT, too. I call it "think music". Things fall into place so much more easily over a pile of fabric and the potential for creating something new.

ick and ooo said...

Exactly - beautifully written.
I am not sure I know how to slow down anymore and to focus on just ONE activity. Sometimes it seems easier to be busy?

julie k said...

I craft in order to stay sane. It's a necessity that I can't live without. I try to do a little each day, even if it's only for five minutes.

p.s. LOVE the voodoo doll!