Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Let’s have it all out in the open from the get go: mea culpa. It’s my fault and given my track record with dead fish (poor, dear Myrtle), you’d think I’d have known better.
What I should have done, once the Dwarf Guarami fish hit an apparent life crisis and began indulging in titchy neon Tetra fishy appetisers, was take immediate action. Particularly once the entire household had witnessed the bullying of Eunice the Angelfish. I did make the call and arranged for the aquarium return of the newly-named ‘Piranha’ (surely a point awarded here for resisting a loo flushing?). Then things got busy.
Before you can hum the theme tune to Jaws, a week had passed and I fooled myself that the bigger Eunice was the fish with karma on her side and as long as everyone had full stomachs, all would be well. A month passed and apart from a couple of minor misdemeanours and Piranha time-out in the corners, everything seemed under control. Let it be know that throughout this month, I brushed aside no less than a zillion kid reminders for fish removal.
Last night I forgot to feed the fish.
This morning I performed an impressive series of distracting manoeuvres whenever a kid ventured within fish tank viewing distance.
This afternoon, after trawling three aquariums, I purchased a spottier, blacker, almost entirely unconvincing Imposter Eunice. No doubt she could have done with an orientation program: a settling in period. But I’d already maxed-out on evil and with a school pick up deadline, in she went without ceremony but with a handful of extra weedy disguise.
My children have an apparent inability to locate an object lying directly beneath their noses and my aim is to keep Imposter Eunice swimming at some speed. All my bets are on this infinitesimally small chance to get away with one impressively dodgy bit of parenting. It’s a theory. There may be a need for a Plan B.
PS. To clarify: Myrtleandeunice the blog is not named after Myrtle and Eunice the angelfish, even if the angelfish came first and everyone (blog and fish) are named after the same two lovely old ladies...