Saturday, February 6, 2010

All Kinds of Evil



A confession.

Mwah ha ha h... Sorry. Straight face.

I have been evil. It was so good. Whichever clever lady we were listening to, the day ABC Radio were chatting long haul car journeying with kids, I’m high fiving in her general direction.

Instead of the large package of suggested chocolate frogs, we started our journey with the presentation of a bag of confectionary snakes. It was explained to the anklebiters that these were ALL – every single wriggly – FOR THEM (cue: widening eyes). To scoff in haste or at leisure, upon arrival home (cue: faintly worried check confirming Mum and Dad had entirely misplaced faculties). The catch? Every time anyone whinged, bickered or even shot the Evil Eye, a snake flew out the window. Mwah ha haa...ahem.

It worked a treat. Mostly because the therapeutic value to be had in snake-out-window tossing is empowering beyond measure. It means Mum can calmly crochet without so much as uttering a nagging word, while kids, aghast over snake cruelty, pull into rank and talk nicely to each other. A couple of times there were yells of protest. Another snake grew wings.

Upon arrival home, Mum and Dad still looked like they had been on holidays and each kid claimed their winnings. A measly one and a third snakes each. They ate them slowly. Discussed how next time, they would be SO good they would have the entire packet. Grin.



PS. I realise there are all kinds of evil at work here. For instance, are confectionary snakes biodegradable? Questionable. Is it unsafe to lob things from a moving car? Unquestionable (we were very careful). The solution I am working on here is sleight of hand. The Mr ate every snake the kids thought he threw out the window.

PPS. There is another option – another clever lady who rang up ABC Radio with her suggestion. As I remember things, she paid each of her three children ‘holiday’ money every half hour they behaved in the car. One child always went to sleep and to him she paid double. When the other kids complained that he wasn’t even trying because he was asleep she told them that if they nodded off they would get double too. Now she goes on holiday with one sleeping child in the back of the car and two pretending. Sometimes it takes a whole lot of evil to achieve a whole car load of good.

77 comments:

natalie said...

Love the idea and as our drives to the next town consist of 3-5 hours in the car, who said mums were evil. Mwah ha sorry got carried away.

Lindy in Brisbane said...

Love it. Best idea ever! Will be using that on our next trip.

Nikki Cardigan said...

I am still laughing. This is fantastic Tania. You are awesome. Evil and awesome all mixed in together! The perfect combination in a wonderful mother and wife (and friend!).

Cass said...

Love it I'm definitely trying these next time!

BOB & MABEL said...

Love it! such a simple solution to catfights in the backseat!

m.e (Cathie) said...

me...laughing...tooo..much!
I like this theory, well done :)

Vireya said...

Brilliant!

Last week while out walking, I saw several snakes. Don't worry about their biodegradability - ants eat them. I'd been feeling sorry for some child who must have dropped them as they walked, but now I'm re-evaluating. Maybe the ants were feasting as the result of some very naughty children.

Andi said...

Wicked (brilliant) woman!!!

Carla said...

Brilliant and commendable. I am gradually learning the evil arts of bribery, corruption and deception of children, and this is a fine tip I will add to my list.

Cathy (Tinniegirl) said...

Bloody fabulous. I love it.

There's nothing wrong with a little bit of evil. Is there?????

Epiphany said...

That is fabulous!!!

willywagtail said...

these are the best, absolutely the best, solutions I have ever heard. Especially because misbehaving is so much better for their teeth. lol I wish my kids were younger. I can't afford to do it with silver jewellery when the 22 and 16 start fighting. Cherrie

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Perfect . This method impresses , in a simple and effective manner , the wisdom of working together to achieve a common goal .

And stopped wild-eyed adults grow horns and scales before their very eyes .
But did your rules include a total ban on the words "nearly" ,"there" and "yet" ?

mrs smith said...

Now that's a plan. You are my evil genius guru.

Can you buy snakes in rural France? Never mind, I'll pack a gross of them in the bottom of the case to take with us.

Thank you in advance for taking the nightmare out or car travel with kids.

I love the way you think.

sue said...

I couldnt stop laughing at reading your post that my 8 yr old walked in and asked what had happened. After I explained what an excellent idea that was she looked horrified. I think before the next long car trip I will have to buy a packet of snakes!

sewfunky said...

What a FANTASTIC idea! Wonder if you can use something similar to get the kids to tidy their bedroom?! They lose one toy everytime they whinge and complain...

dillpickle said...

Brilliant! Looking forward to when mine is old enough to understand...!

Tas said...

Unquestionably the ideas of genuises. Putting that one on the useful ideas list!

Karin said...

Hahahahaha. I have no idea how pedagogical sound I think this is. I have been laughing too hard to think about that. I even read your post to my husband and he laughed just as hard. You are such a great and funny writer Tania. And I think this is a cunning idea, even though it's evil :-)

Jo said...

This is gold, GOLD I tell you! I am still laughing {and can't wait to try this one out on my squabbling, shrieking, brood. Thank you for sharing. x

Jessica said...

These ideas are fantastic. If I had more than 1 child I would so use them.

Kylie @ alittlereddress said...

Ha ha! I love the idea. I believe we heard the same broadcast... we have yet to try it out, but perhaps we should. Your evil sleight of hand was exactly what we suggested if we were to do it... yum!

katiecrackernuts said...

I heard that and thought it was brilliant. Mine are too old to even travel in the car with us. All but one have cars of their own. I am so borrowing the grandkids to try it out.

Julie said...

Fantastic!!!! Love it, going to try it!!!!

Hayley Egan said...

oh that is hilarious..

Liesl (Hoppo Bumpo) said...

Mr HB (who never reads blogs) & I have been sitting here laughing uproariously. Its all kinds of evil and genius rolled into one!

I am thinking of implementing your strategy, effective immediately, at home.

Happydacks said...

Very funny and terribly evil, I am buying snakes right now, well they are on the list!

crafterhours said...

GENIUS.

Mel said...

Gold just gold. And timely too. Did I mention we are about to embark on a long haul flight this time with the two kidlins in tow? How many snakes do you think I may require? And will the flight attendants let me throw some out the window? May have to practice that slight of hand ...

crafterhours said...

So genius it's on our front page for a while. crafterhours.blogspot.com

I'm taking a flight with kids on Friday. Can't open the window to throw things out, of course. Maybe there'll be a sympathetic mum nearby who will volunteer to absorb the castoffs and make ever-so-slightly evil faces at my children.

Mookah said...

Yeah baby! We all need a little *evil* in our lives from time to time.....

nikkishell said...

That is soo evil but sooo gooooood! ;)

Libster said...

love it, love it, love it!!! both ideas.... might go for that sleeping idea for sure!

Libster said...

love it, love it, love it!!! both ideas.... might go for that sleeping idea for sure!

kellyi said...

This is genius!!

I may take it one step further and say that the child who misbehaves the most will be the one who gets thrown from the car.

Or is that a little bit too evil?

Becky said...

Fantastic idea! I will be sure to try it one day when mine are older :)

beck said...

Fan...fairy...tastic! You little ripper. Love it. Thanks xo

Nikki said...

YOU.ARE.AN.INSPIRATION.

Jodie said...

Standing ovation !!!!

zofia said...

This is the best idea-Absolutely brilliant!!
We'd just change it to every time there was a whinge, mum and dad would scoff a snake ;)
Sleep idea would be fabulous too...
Thankyou! Some driving sanity :D

Janette Kearns Wilson said...

Your posts make me so joyous!

Swirlyarts said...

This is such a fab idea! We are driving to France next week (from north west UK) and I am stealing this idea :) Mwahhhhhaa - sorry, just practising my evil laugh!

Cherie said...

Total Genius with not a skerrick of evil! Oh I laughed so much, such a clever idea! Manyyears ago we pulled up and let put the squabbling kids out of the car with the threat of driving off and leaving them by the road ... an unheard of action today ... flying snakes win ;)

Kylie said...

I think that's hilarious! How fabulous too :) My motto is anything that works... within reason of course ;) As long as they didn't start bickering as soon as the snakes were eaten...?! Peace is a very underrated entity I think. Kx

charismagic said...

Love it! We used to drive our parents mad when we were little, ha ha!

crzylady said...

sheer genius! *cackling* and ever so much better because it is evil.. so I would enjoy it.

Melanie Gray Augustin said...

G.E.N.I.U.S. !! You know I'll be using these tricks when the little one is old enough (but I'll be the parent pretending to throw and then actually eating the snake :)

Mmmm... even though she's only 6 months old... I wonder if I should start practicing now... must stock up on snakes...

One Flew Over said...

I eish you had of told me this BEFORE we drove from Melbourne to Kingslcliff...yes that's the place PAST Byron Bay!

Great story and I guess if you buy the 'Natural Confectionary Company' snakes then surely they would be biodegradeable!?!

Tammy James said...

I LOVE this Mwah ha ha ha
Thanks Tania

Gina said...

Utter Machiavellian genius.

Madeline said...

Oh. my. Tania, what wicked brilliance. I'm going to tuck that bit of evil away for future days when it will certainly come in handy.

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

RThat is the best idea ever!!! i pissed myself when I read it and read it out loud to chef - both of our cogs turning thinking about upcoming 5 hour plus drive to sydney... is busy to young to get this concept! and the kids pretending to be asleep- god I laughed so hard!! I love it! lvoe it so much! I think you should link to this post in your sidebar , its as handy as the ten minute tidy methinks!

Karen said...

You crack me up!
This is brilliant - bet my mum wishes she had known this when we drove from VIC to WA in 1979 in an unairconditioned Holden Premier with vinyl seats!
Plenty of whining to be heard on that trip I bet.

Fer said...

Oh I do so like!! I even read it out to the hubby, something to remember when our little girl is old enough!

Kirsty said...

Gold.

My mum used to slam the brakes on & eject all three of us from the car to walk along whichever highway or dirt track we happened to be on.

She'd zoom up the road a couple of kilometres & read a book until we caught the car.

I like the snake idea better. x

sophie said...

It's sheer brilliance! Thank you for sharing.

74 Lime Lane said...

this is genius! popping this idea away for our next road trip.

Leonie Guld said...

BRILLIANT, GENIUS!!! I'll be keeping this one up my sleeve!!

Sandrine said...

This is so hillarius and FABULOUS!
Who said I will wait for a car trip to implement your evilbulous trick!xx

trishie said...

Genious! hehe.

Fran said...

Pure genius!

How I love the ABC xxx

Thanks for sharing, I'm sure there will be quite a number more 'evil' but happy mum's out there because of it :)

amy prior said...

ha ha! jelly snakes are biodegradable- in my stomach!

elly bee said...

ooooh... the snakes. we (or joris) loved them when we were over at your place. we cannot get them overhere. what an evil thought to 'throw' them out of the window.

Di said...

DEFINITELY filing this one for future reference...

Lola Nova said...

I am so glad that I read this post. There is nothing my pony girl likes more than gummy snakes! Brilliant.
Or should I say, Brilliantly Evil!

Sherrin said...

I am LOVING this! Snakes are coming on our next holiday for SURE!!!

Daan said...

Yesterday we took our 4 hours drive to Texel (nortNetherlands, little island) and i told mu husband and children your little snake story. We had so much fun about it.
We hung a few out of the window, laughing and screaming littleones.

Thank you so much!

Big Laugh and happy Valentine fo you!

Stomper Girl said...

I LOVE these suggestions. I was even happier when I found that the Mister had sneakily eaten every sacrificial snake. Just don't buy Killer Pythons for the journey, my youngest nearly choked to death on one of those recently - they're not called Killer Pythons for nothing!

heather said...

i just wanted to say how much i love this. i am all about the evil!!!

Dolores said...

I came over here via Clementine´s Shoes and if there wouldn´t be that sleeping kid in my lap (will she ever EVER sleep in her bed once???) I would have laughed very very loud!!!!
So great!!!
Definitly I will have a huge pack of snakes with me for the next trip - and if they´re older a lot of money...
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I will show this in my german blog - hope you agree if I translate...
all the best

cityhippyfarmgirl said...

Hahaha, that is genius. Clearly I'm not thinking enough in an evil manner.

silverpebble said...

This is the best tutorial I've read for yonks.I WILL be using this technique. I will employ the possible outthewindow peril of Percy Pigs.

Anonymous said...

A little bit of parenting gold. Thank you!

Laura B

CC said...

That is genius. We just got back from a road trip (three under three, not for the faint-hearted). I will lock this pearl of wisdom away for future trips.

Dayla said...

Oh you are genius, unfortunatley my kid has grown up but I know some people who could really use this.
Thankyou you made me and hubby laugh and laugh.
thanks
Dayla

ally said...

Oh this is so good
:-)

Shekinah Kromhout said...

You are awesome! I came across your blog the day before we are doing a long haul with the kiddos. I am so excited all because I read this, thank you!