Monday, March 7, 2011
Lately, I've been skirting around the edges of everything. My head is preoccupied with things that are not in the slightest bit crafty, there is no room for concocting creative mischief, for blogging or bloggy visiting and there is a shrill at the edge of my voice, from a tightness in my throat, which I hope only I can hear.
Things keep happening around me that remind me that I am not twenty. Things that grown ups need to deal with. I am cross that I do not feel grown up enough and ready to deal with unfair illnesses and ageing and extended family dynamics. I am cross that I did not appreciate the glorious freedom of twenty, so much more.
Then there is my nine year old in all her beautiful innocence. An innocence that is now also edged with a something. An awareness, I think, that she is her own individual. That the world is big and exciting and a bit scary. She seems to be finding her feet, looking for her place, negotiating peer dynamics that are now also about manipulation and influence and Best-Ever Friends and sighhhh... In the meantime, the rest of the Myrtleandeunice’s are running for cover.
If the Steiner theory has it right, then this is a typical sort of nine year old phase and we’re not in it for the long haul. This isn’t living-with-teenager eggshells we are walking on – but I tell you, this is one heck of a practise run. I am parenting a mile a minute at the moment. Rollercoastering and battling my own hell-hath-no-fury reactions, in the interests of the calm and measured response that does not fuel fire.
This weekend was a good weekend. So, so much better than any part of the last month or two. I told my nine year old it was a pleasure to spend it with her. I was trying really, really hard Mum.
You parents of teens must be eye-rolling to the moon and back. I don’t blame you for a second – surely I should have worked it out before now?
Growing up is tough.
PS. Just so none of us forget that this is occasionally a craft blog, that image up the top, is of the nine year old grovelling for her own pair of wristwarmers. If you happen to be after a knitting pattern for when you are helping with the spelling homework, (without actually looking like you are helping with the spelling homework), or listening to the viola practise, (while you don’t actually look like you’re listening to the viola practise), even though your nine year old does want you to be doing both of these things (but doesn’t at the same time), then this pattern worked for me.
PPS. The pic below is of me modelling the same wristwarmers and taking a small opportunity to have a quiet rest.