Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Magpie

At some point in every day, there’s a wash load to tackle and dirty clothes to sort. There will be a pair of jaw-droppingly filthy trousers or shorts belonging to the collector kid, the boy kid, the Magpie. There’ll be no getting around the need to fully investigate this kid’s every pocket. I know there is no getting around blindly poking my fingers into the deepest pocket crevices, because once or twice I squeezed my eyes shut and la-la-la-la-ed with my hands over my ears and slammed the washing machine door shut and pressed ON.

Nothing like freshly laundered bug carcass, spread over an entire wash load.

Last week I thought I’d do a study. See what shiny and not so shiny objects caught my Magpie Kid’s eye...

Monday
Irrefutable proof lunchboxes are a shared affair at school. No bug carcass.



Tuesday
Irrefutable proof the child drinks beer at school. No bug carcass.



Wednesday
Irrefutable proof the child is solely responsible for introducing gall wasp to our lemon tree. No bug carcass (probably a thousand, living, unhatched, waspy ones inside that nice piece of holey wood).



Thursday
Irrefutable proof of school gardening day. Kid plotting own stealth kitchen garden. No bug carcass.



Friday
Irrefutable proof of Excursion With Mum into City to See Jess’ Grand Exhibition and all her red SOLD! dots. No bug carcass.



Saturday
Irrefutable proof my kid is the thief stealing all the copper wire and shutting down entire railways and phone lines. Makes up for this by finding a button for the jar. No bug carcass.



Sunday
Irrefutable proof that nonchalent rummaging through the Magpie’s pockets is a Very Bad Idea. One arachnid carcass.




(I checked. He intends to keep EVERYTHING).

67 comments:

One Flew Over said...

Sheesh!

I would have lost the plot upon discovering the dead hunstman....

Upon returning from my weekend in Melbourne I found a rotten half eaten plum in Madam's school bag. The stench was disgusting.

x

Kate said...

As a collection, utterly charming.

As things to find when you shove your hand into a pocket... less charming. You are a brave woman.

peaa.cal said...

I had to have a giggle as this is SO familiar. as they become closer to teen, at least there is less spiders and more muesli bar wrappers! Oh and lego... so much lego.

june at noon said...

I sort of love that he is such a collector. But he would be doing his own carcass-removing if he were in my house. Ick.

Jo said...

EEEPP!! I think you need to develop some kind of quick release system at the bottom of those pockets.

Sneaking off to the kitchen to throw the rice wheels out. They're a sometimes food, orright?!?

**Anne** said...

Such a little collector you have in your house. If only the spiders and bugs weren't collected, the rest I think I could deal with.
Have fun mum!
Anne xx

emma @ frog, goose and bear said...

Fascinating!!! Absolutely fascinating. Brilliant to look over many years from now. These are the kinds of photos you see in art galleries and museums. An interesting study!

trishie said...

haha, this is hilarious! Your kid is quite the collector.

Lola Nova said...

Ha, a grand exploration! So glad you cataloged your findings.

With my kid, it is rocks. I have not yet identified a pattern in her preferences, perhaps I should pursue your methods and see what discoveries I can make. When I do occasionally forget to check all pockets, a loud racket from the dryer usually reminds me.

twirling betty said...

I LOVE this. So funny. And even though I like to think of myself as quite the David Attenborough when it comes to all forms of non-human life, I think I would have screamed and done a crazy flicky dance if I reached in and pulled out that spider. You are very brave.

CurlyPops said...

Eeeeeek! I could handle everything... until you reached Sunday, which has me running for the hills!

Kirsty said...

You KNOW I love this post. Such brilliant. I have no maggies at mine...just my good self. xx

Mrs Smith said...

You are a brave woman.
And your son is a very, interesting little man.

Angus Northcote said...

Smash!

Just like that she's back (with her mojo on high beam).

Leah said...

Holy crap batman ! I would kill my kid once I stopped doing the spider wriggly dance.. You know when you wobble all over and shake your magic fingers up and down you body whilst saying "OMG"

Shannon said...

Do tell, what is the funny little blue and yellow thing in Monday's pocket?

geraldine said...

Wonderful stuff!! His little collections are like works of art, lucky he has a mum that is understanding.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

He's a wonderfully careful collector .... that spider's only a very tiny little bit squashed .

librarygirl said...

He REALLY is a little magpie!

mel @ loved said...

I think your collector kid is ACE!

bec said...

Hilarious! We have a half filled bucket of sand here, waiting to be sent back to school haha. God, where does he fdenerame Freanind it all??

bec said...

Oh, but I bet you were wishing for a bug carcass by Sunday, thinking 'every other bloody week he has one- phew, a spider!'

A Peppermint Penguin said...

I think you deserve some sort of Mother of the Decade award for all that.

And that is the best blog post tag.

Rie said...

Ah-ha, this a great post - the best post I've read in a long, long time!!
And at least the spider was long-gone!

Jackie @ Fred-and-Cissy said...

I think the spider would have finished me!

If its any consolation, my kinder boy's favourite activity is crawling on the floor in the shops to see what 'treasures' he can find. He's been known to fill his pockets so full with the half pieces of chain left on the floor where they cut it at Mitre10 that his pants fall down!

Stomper Girl said...

Lumme, if I thought there'd be bug carcasses in my kids' pockets I'd be insisting they come in and do the pocket emptying. ESPECIALLY if there were likely to be arachnids! I get plenty of proof that lunchbox sharing goes on, but I wouldn't call my kids magpies. They just think their pockets are an acceptable rubbish bin substitute.

Jenny from Ohjoh said...

Eeeuuuuwwww! Freaking out about the spider! I think he should do his own washing...

teddybearswednesday said...

Of course he does. You non magpies just don't understand.
xo

Jo-anne *Blossy* said...

What an interesting collection. He had a huntsman in his pocket? yuck!! I would make him empty his own pockets.

Anonymous said...

This is THE best collection ever!

I'm kind of jealous - would like some of these treasures to be mine...
(Well, I can live without the spider, especially because we have plenty of living ones around here.)

And I'm really curious: what was/is the plan for the wood-wool-nail-combination?

LOVE it that you took photographs - can you make that a weekly post? ;)

Fine

Baa-Me Kniits said...

Mine luckily don't keep things in pockets but they still collect all the same stuff.....loved the spider!

Tanya said...

That IS. Charming cause its kid related. I have a flamin' papa magpie here, and, oh the conversations about whose responsibility it might be to empty pockets before trousers head to the wash. Not that charming, but quite the source for wonder...where do they find all those treasures!

Megsie said...

My what a fabulous collection and obvioulsy he does need to keep it all! Who doesn't need a wee little dead huntsman to brighten the day.

Hans en Marieke van Oort said...

I have one just like that. She likes to collect rocks and pretty stones. Suffice to say that the definition of pretty varies amongst our family. She like to keep all the rocks in plastic boxes in her room. Made the big move to our new house very interesting.....

Magic Bean said...

Afternoon. On more than one occasion I have taken the washing out of the machine to find a very clean snail in the bottom of the drum. How silly of me to forget to check for gastropods in SmallBean's pockets...
Ax
PS The blackbirds don't like the taste of washing powder.

Cinnamon said...

Dear god, if I found that spider it would be the end of me rummaging pockets and the beginning of the battle to teach them how to rummage their own pockets. AACK! You are braver than I.

heather said...

i love boys. i would wear gloves for sure when doing his laundry though. now that i think of it, i wouldn't be surprised to find any of those things in my girls' pockets too. does he realize what an artist he is with his collections? or is it a collaboration between him and his mom, who has the eye for arrangement?

also~ i find much evidence of lunch box sharing in these parts. too much i say. and once, i found in olive's preschool backpack, a small sampler bottle of scotch she had pilfered from our cellar, thinking it was a pretty bottle to take to school and play with. yikes. but so funny it was. olive and mr middle would get along on tuesdays.

Nikki said...

Your kid and my kid could get together and make beautiful collections of sticks and broken things... but I'll leave your kid in charge of the bugs and spiders dept.

I pulled a full sheet of cheetah-print wrapping paper out of my girl's school uniform pocket this morning. I can see why it caught her eye but I've no idea how she moved around all day with it bulging inside her dress.

Flaming Nora said...

Brilliant.
You should check out this blog.
Someone is so obsessed with what is in their kids pockets they have turned it in to a blog.
http://ayearincharliespocket.blogspot.com/
Beer bottle tops feature heavy in our house too!

katiecrackernuts said...

It's rather precious, isn't it?

furrybees said...

Absolutely fabulous. I see a series coming on.

As for that spider, all I can say is that there are benefits to relocating to Canada after all. I just remembered one.

Cherie said...

A collector, an archaeological digger, a picker in the making. This would have to be one of THE most fabulous blog posts ever. Love your imagination and appreciation of your boy and his found treasures.

Madeline said...

Oh, this reminds me so much of my little sister. She was forever bringing the strangest stuff home. Who am I kidding? She still brings strange stuff home!

nikkishell said...

Fantastic! My kids collect rocks....lots and lots of rocks.

Fer said...

Oh dear..... I'm married to a hoarder and I've told him that I don't care what or how much of it you collect so long as you find an appropriate place to store it.

Out of sight.

Preferably in the shipping container out the back.

Yes, we have a shipping container.....

Kylie said...

OMG... this is ART! I love it all :)

No sympathy from me, Mrs... I consider you extremely lucky... you find curios, all I get from the pockets of my girls is tissues! Cannot leave them or all the washing ends up looking like it snowed inside the drum ;(

Keep up the documentation... it's worthy of a book :)

Kx

Anonymous said...

Hey Tarn,
I love your kid's wonderful collections (well except for the spider..although fascinating!). I love that he is found beauty and interest in both nature and everyday little objects. What a beautiful soul.
Love Jen x

a year in charlie's pocket said...

ha! ....must be a boy thing.
thank you for checking out my blog. luckily i started it a few years after finding some tiny ( sadly deceased ) little frogs in his pocket.
your photographs, and blog overall, are really lovely.

Lady Jane said...

Fabulous and sooo funny. Thank you!

Annette said...

Great!I got a kid just like yours. I am laughing my pants off! :D

quirky granola girl said...

fantastic photos! does he have a treasure box or jar? or maybe a full cabinet? does he sort by the type of item? or alphabetical? or timeline? i'm so curious :)

Trudy said...

You're a brave woman to put your hand in those pockets!!

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

I love that you documented this.

Dianne said...

Jeez, and I thought my 8 y/o's pockets were bad! Mostly rocks, sticks, bits of metal, other kids food wrappers - " treasures" he calls them!!! Worst so far was pulling out the crumb coated chocolate muffin paper patty pan- AFTER I have washed the school pants!

melissa said...

Oh my. I love this post but my stomach is churning at the thought of the spider carcass. I will hand laundry duties over to my husband if spiders begin to be collected.

Ali said...

I always seem to find the treasures lodged in the seal of the washing machine AFTER the cycle has run. Your approach is far more logical (and photogenic)!

jodi said...

All I remember from my brother's pockets is the night he was unpacking them at the dinner table (why, I don't know) and a condom was chucked smack bang in the middle, between the bread basket and the salt & pepper. His rather red-faced girlfriend was sitting beside him and I, pregnant with Che at the time, laughed so loud, and for a long while.

What did my mum say? "Happy to know you're using protection Josh!"

Annie said...

Brilliant! I still daren't fish about in my sons pockets when trousers are headed for the wash and he is pretty much grown up! Once a magpie always a magpie. I found a flattened, dried-out dead frog not so long ago!

Loz and Dinny said...

bloody loved this

Andrea said...

AWESOME

kelly said...

I see your bug carcass and I raise you one dead frog.

(Dead before being washed...and half decomposed to add to the general nausea x)

rachelmp said...

I have one of those too!

M. Bloom said...

I am rather neglectful and forgetful regarding emptying my son's pockets before putting his clothing into the wash. I am only alerted to the fact that there was a (large) rock in his pocket by the clanging in the dryer. And then there was the unfortunate episode concerning a magenta crayon. http://webloomhere.blogspot.com/2010/11/magenta-crayon.html

thank you for the lovely and very entertaining post!

Alisa said...

How did you go in Tania? I'm imagining with one super long pair of tongs and full rubber suit - *shudder*
You are one brave woman! : )

Meagan said...

my goodness i love this post. just catching up on what i've missed in the last 8 weeks. also a fan of that pretty dress and does look to be do0able even for beginners... next summer! xo m.

Meagan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Papier and Cakes said...

Thank you for the trip down memory lane. Very entertaining.