Friday, March 30, 2012

With My Head in My Hands...

HEAD IN HANDS REASON #1
Smallest Child Declares to Kinder Teacher:
“AT MY HOUSE WE’RE SICK OF SEX!”

Later translated at kinder pick-up by mother of Smallest Child (me):
“AT MY HOUSE WE HAVE STICK INSECTS!”

.........................

HEAD IN HANDS REASON #2
At morning tea, Kinder Teacher regales children with stories of her dog. Smallest Child declares that she too, has a worthy dog story:
“SOMETIMES MY DAD PUTS ON A RUBBER GLOVE AND SQUEEZES OUR DOG’S ANAL GLAND!”

Kinder Teacher pushes away her plate of hummus and rice cake and is forced to define ‘anal gland’ to 23 kinder children.

.........................

HEAD IN HANDS REASON #3
Smallest Child campaigns to teacher for an Adventure outside the kinder. Smallest Child is emphatic that Adventure involves scouring streets in search of roadside finds “LIKE WHAT MUM AND DAD DOES EVERY DAY!”

In the defence of the Smallest Child’s parents (who do not ‘scour’ but merely keep an ‘eye out’), the Smallest Child has been enjoying the use of a roadside violin find. Currently played as a three-stringed cello.



Recently valued at a surprising, (for a roadside find), $1200.

84 comments:

CurlyPops said...

Completely and utterly hilarious.... and SCORE mum and dad!

Jules said...

How funny! Out of the mouths of babes, and all that , what a character you have produced!
What a find, great pick up, lucky you were doing a bit of scouring that day! Have a good one! :)

Julie said...

If you don't laugh you'd probably cry. Have a good weekend - wish I had roadside finds like yours.

Carmel Morris said...

Haha - kids say funny stuff, or stuff funny. My three year old is currently obsessed with the vacuum cleaner. The "V" sounds like an "F" and the "A" sounds like "uh", and the "m" on the end is barely detectable.

Congrats on the violin find. We don't have hard rubbish collection here.

**Anne** said...

You have an awesome kid!!! Priceless I'd say. :) Fab curbside find.
Anne xx

trudi@maudeandme said...

That has given me a good chuckle to start the day.Thanks.
Kids are priceless.

Jenny said...

Fantastic!

mel @ loved handmade said...

I can't bring myself to abbreviate,but I really am laughing out loud at this post, too funny!! Just imagine the things teachers hear, they must think we're all a bunch of wacko's! That violin is a brilliant find, there's no shame in scouring..x

ranigirl said...

Im new to blogging !! Still finding how it all works. Just love your special moments you share. I will be visiting your profile and warming my heart, and encouraging me to get ideas for my journal to my Granson about his dad. Thanks for sharing

Nikki said...

I think I may have just gone off my adoption plan for the smallest... but I can assure you she's still on that "BRILLIANT, SPUNKY KID" pedestal.

(Tears still rolling down my face from the dog story.... it'll keep me chuckling all day. THANK YOU!)

lamina@do a bit said...

Totally hilarious... Love it :)

Suzy said...

Ha ha ha, the smallest child is brilliant. The dog story takes the cake! And congratulations on the excellent roadside find.

Michelle said...

Too funny. I always think that teachers must have a hard time looking at parents with a straight face. My youngest recently told her teacher that Daddy has a really really big penis.....

Michelle said...

Oh, and nice score with the violin

Jane said...

Wow! And, hahaha! When our biggest was small he liked making silly 'random' noises and one day at the zoo in front of the red-bottomed monkeys was merrily hopping about chanting 'f****ah c***ey'.

jennie said...

That is absolutely gorgeous - tho head in hands worthy for sure! What a brilliant roadside find for her to have a go on!! (just imagining the sound - I learnt for a year when I was younger)!

Angus in Northcote said...

Roadside find?

No.

The appropriate term is Street Treasure.

~ Laura said...

So, the first one made me giggle. However, the second made me spit my tea!!!! LOLOL!!!! I'm positive you are keeping her, but if you ever need her to travel, we'd love to have her!!! My kids would LOVE her!!!!! And dang, nice score of the violin!! :)

Flaming Nora said...

Priceless, absolutely priceless!

Gaby said...

I just laughed so hard I snorted. Your Smallest Child is brilliant. x

Posie Patchwork said...

Yay, that girl knows what she's talking about, 3rd borns are just by nature & birth order, the ones who will age you like no other child!! Kindergarten teachers could write books about all the things they hear. I think of all the things my 3rd born has asked me, like when i pointed out to them "look, those horses are making babies" & quick as a flash she asked me "does Daddy hop on your back when you have sex??" As she's thrown questions like this at me since she was born, so bloody knowing, i said "oh no darling, that would hurt Mummy's back". Good times to come, love Posie

Wendy Sice said...

Ah, funny! Recently at school I asked my class of 3 and 4 year olds if they could think of a word that started with 'i' (the sound, not the name of the letter) and one kid said "I know, irection" and then he actually gave an evil laugh. xx

Posie Patchwork said...

Oh just read Michelle's comment, a friend of mine has a son with Aspergers who told his kindergarten teacher his mum has a hairy penis. Lordy his mum has a brilliant nature & class to solve that after-class-discussion. Mind you, Aspergers aside, children will say such not-outside-the-bathroom-observations to anyone. Love Posie

teddybearswednesday said...

PURE GOLD!! thank you for the big grins and belly laughs xo

Tammi said...

OMG this is so hilarious!!! I've put my neck and back out so you can imagine how much pain I am now in from laughing :)
x

Sue said...

Isn't she a delight, her teacher must love her to bits....I hope the violin isn't discarded house breaking loot!

Sweet Seahorse said...

I used to work in a primary school working with the 5 and 6 year olds. Some of what the kids tell you is hilarious, and most parents would be horrified if they knew just how much personal information the teachers get told!

It's sweet too. One day I was putting a bandaid on 5 year old's grazed knee. Through her tears she told her older sister (8) in all seriousness that "Miss B is going to be a doctor when she grows up!"

xXx Helen

Chaos, Kids, Crochet and Cake said...

I just about sprayed my tea over the computer screen! Kids, eh? I always just apologise now whenever I see a pre-school teacher heading my way, never mind total avoidance of the High School ones!
As for your roadside find, where do you live??!
Have a great weekend,
Sandra x

Stomper Girl said...

Have I missed something? Why is your dog's bottom being felt up?

When I read the comment about being sick of sex, I thought yes, there does come a point, usually when your kids are young, when just going to sleep is much more appealing!

LimeRiot said...

Ha ha!! It sounds like she's proud of Mom and Dad! I'm sure there are some things you wish she wouldn't brag about though :).

Nice roadside fine!! Score!

ellie said...

Every teacher needs one of these kids in their class. So wonderful! I can foresee a lot of trips to the Principals office for some explainations please over the next few years.......

Kylie said...

So funny. How gorgeous she is. They are amazing wonderful little things at this age. I miss these years... Mine too grown up these days ;) Make sure you look out for a video camera by the roadside to capture it all! :) Kx

Felicity said...

Ah the treasure trove that is the Kindy teacher's collective memory box!

Happy day Sparkler,
x

Karen said...

Absolutely priceless!
Thanks for a laugh - just when I could have used one.
And great score on the violin - oh I mean, cello!

bec said...

Oh, man I needed that laugh! That is priceless! The worst bit is she's not making it up! My favourite one was when mine was about 3, and I'd taken to the 'lady part waxer' with me, she then told my GP that 'mummy gets her bottom waxed'! Didn't take her again! Great violin too- remember you can always draw the strings on if it gets too annoying!

Cinnamon said...

Am currently sitting on the couch trying to recover from my cold, the laughing/choking/wheezing fit brought on by the hilarious words of your Smallest, and the envy of your good fortune in street scouring.

I hope she keeps a blog when she's older. :)

Sally said...

That is so funny!!! ... the anal gland thing. Great find with the violin. YAY!

Cass said...

These cracked my up, so funny but a great roadside find

Teje said...

Thanks for a happy laugh - good start for a day! x Teje

flowerpress said...

Laugh Out Loud!

Shannon said...

I snorted ... Not very ladylike but good for the soul!
I am glad he wears gloves.
Nice score on the violin/cello.

jenlouw said...

Oh thank you, "first laugh out loud" for the day!

Mel said...

You gotta love the third child. That's priceless. And BTW when did she get so big??!

LissyLouLou said...

My 5 year old told his teacher that boobs were his favourite thing and that, just like his mum, she had lovely boobs.

As she told me she snorted with laughter - these teachers have heard it all!!

Catherine said...

thank you Tania - this is the best, funniest, most gorgeous post I've seen and read all day (her teacher is really lucky, I think, and that violin / cello was lucky too...)

Samantha said...

What???!! What an amazing "bring out your dead" find! Very very very impressive!

Kellie said...

Oh my! I'm at work and now everyone's wondering why I'm laughing so hard!!

And the violin find ~ wow!

emma @ frog, goose and bear said...

That's one brilliant roadside find! And one hilarious child! I laufhed out loud! My 3 year old loves to make up stories. Last week the kinder teacher pulled me aside to offer her condolences for a family member who had died. Totally made up!

Andria said...

I'm laughing so hard at this post, it is just brilliant! You have to hand it to the little ones, they are always good for a laugh. I'm a big fan of road side finds too, and I say way to go on that huge score!

Fer said...

You and the Small crack me up, every time.... :D

A Peppermint Penguin said...

You survive this kid, you are bullet proof.

I'm sure the teacher has heard *some* of it before. Just probably not all on the one day from the same kid.

you going to sell that to pay for therapy? (yours, not hers)

june at noon said...

Oh, my, I have my head in my hands on your behalf. (But I love it!) And what a roadside find!

K said...

Dear M&E,

I love you truly.

K

Hayley Egan said...

She's the funniest kid in Victoria. Now, I noticed there was no defense or explanation for the anal gland thing. I'll be wondering about that all night...

quirky granola girl said...

i adore your kidlet quotes :)

i picked the 2.5 yr old from school today and his teacher said that they heard, "oh sh!t" a few times. fascinating, since i've never heard that. he has speech delay, so i think i'll just decide to be happy that he picked up a new phrase...

Leonie @ Cuppa and Cake said...

SCORE!!!! and look there never be to many "cuddles" x

Christie said...

That will teach the kinder teacher to keep her dog stories to herself!

So who is taking up violin?

Mrs Smith said...

Noice street treasure strings! Oh, and I hear her, we are soooo sick of sex in this house too. (ha!) And she is so onto it, I have always preferred cello. I dig your kid, big time.

ally said...

I've thrown my hands up laughing :-)

nikkishell said...

Bwahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

Kylie said...

What a find. Wonder what you will find tomorrow:)
hehe - this gave me a good giggle.

Beck said...

Beautiful and hilarious..thank you xo

Madeline said...

I am blown away by your awesome roadside score!! I do believe you've outdone all of us roadside scavengers on that one.

Suse said...

I'm a bit worried about your mister.

Maggie said...

Thanks for the giggle :)

Kim H said...

Oh wow, what a gorgeous, funny and cosy bog this is! I'm so very glad I stopped by Loved today (love that blog too!!). I saw your comment and checked out your blog as the blog name beckoned me. (What a cute name!). What a great spot you ahve here. I love your about me blurb and reason for calling your blog Myrtle & Eunice - a milo and a handmade blanket - oooh lovely.

New follower today and I'll be back soon xx

Amanda Tipton said...

Insanely adorable and I am dang entertaining at the least :P...Wowsers on the street find too..

Lizeylou said...

This is the funniest post I have read in ages - thank you!

Jackie @ Fred-and-Cissy said...

Fantastic! I bet your kinder teacher's in hysterics when she gets home as well!

cityhippyfarmgirl said...

That is hilarious... at least with your head in your hands you could still do the silent shoulder shake laugh.
...and bargain violin! How could someone leave that on the side of the road?

cityhippyfarmgirl said...

That is hilarious... at least with your head in your hands you could still do the silent shoulder shake laugh.
...and bargain violin! How could someone leave that on the side of the road?

Tas said...

Ah, the mouths of babes. Goot love 'em. Especially when they are someone else's babes.

Could be worse. Lock up your vibrator. Now ;)

Claire - Craft Schmaft said...

Love a kiddie that tells it like it is! At my house we're sick of sex too but that's more in reference to continual nudie runs around the house by two small boys, particularly when we have visitors. oh and SCORE on the violin, nice!

Sandrine said...

You made me laugh so much Tania :) Those kindy teachers must have so much fun :) I remember our smallest letting her class know that her dad had a hairy nose, we still laugh about it years later! :) But Oh my goodness much worse roaming the streets I say!!! x

Duyvken said...

Gorgeous!

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

I shudder to think what" jewels" Busy has shared over the years.

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

Well , you never wanted boring children , did you !
And you certainly didn't get them !!

Tanya said...

oh to be a kinder teacher, that is so funny...It's the thing of- do you want to know so you can defend yourself, or is ignorance bliss?!

Jolie said...

Oh I adore you! ...plus, you make me feel normal with the conversations we have around here (and the digging-out-of-verbal-holes I seem to do with our Kinder teacher, too!)

heather said...

woohoo smallest child. i like how you spice things up for your world. go give your mama's head and hands a rub. she's workin hard keeping up with you!!

kelly said...

My fav blog post EVER!!!

Your youngest is a legend :)

Cup and Saucer said...

Beautiful post! Love it love it love it!

tamaraerbacher said...

You crack me up. You know that, right? God love you and your little people;) xx

Cute as Buttons said...

Have been out of the blogosphere for the longest time and popped in to visit an old friend. Was not disappointed! Shaking and guffawing with tears pouring down my face. You and your smalls are divine!! May I never need to explain anal glands to a class of children. Lisa x